Playing Hurt

It's been a tough week for the Piper squad, health-wise. On Monday AD took a swan dive off of some playground equipment at school and somehow landed on the side of her face, so she now has a vivid blue goose-egg on her right cheek. Considering she's spindly as hell from her spring break illness/weight loss and has the skin tone of a boiled onion, she now looks like she's been tied up in our shed for 2 years and beaten with a hose.

She's been getting a lot of pleasure out of trying to get me arrested; every time we've been in public this week she's thrown out a "Mom, I'm really sorry! I promise I'll make a better margarita next time!" or "please don't get mad at me again. I don't really HAVE to have any birthday presents". Hilarious, this kid.

The RM is unmarked but has a head cold which has given her a total party voice. It's been jarring as hell waking up to her raspy, deep-voiced bellow "MOMMY PIPER. COME OPEN THE DOOR AND TURN ON THE LIGHTS" every morning - I'm half expecting Lindsay Lohan to be sitting in her crib, chain-smoking and fiddling with her ankle monitor. Not even JHP has escaped this week - he's been in Seattle for work and in the throes of a stomach bug...I'm sure the hotel housekeeping staff thinks he's a real sweetheart.

I'm actually feeling fine physically but have sustained a pretty serious blow to my ego. AD's teachers sent out an email last week asking us to send in a picture of mother and child together for an upcoming project at school. Since I don't have a single recent picture of just AD and me (or another adult at home to help me take one), I've been trying to take one with my phone. And I am sad. I am sad and tired and have terrible roots and fat cheeks and somehow, unfairly, both wrinkles and zits. I kept telling myself that I'm just really unphotogenic and am actually totally way better looking in real life, but JHP poked a hole in that by telling me that perhaps I should instead consider I'm not as cute as I think I am (Ed. Note: he can be kind of an asshole! And is often wrong! And is getting zero buns this weekend!). 

In any case, this is, allegedly, what I look like whilst trying to get away from AD

 

But this is what I know in my heart of hearts I actually look like

 

 

It should be noted that I usually do wear a bike helmet, but I was in a hurry that day; I think I had a jazzercise class. Or had to rush off to buy a girls bike before I injured myself. Do you like my swimsuit? I just packed it because we're leaving for the beach tomorrow; hopefully we can all keep it together and make it back in one piece and without AD having me hauled off to the pokey.

 

Lindsay just woke up from her nap so I'm off to search her person for stolen goods before the 3pm carpool.